Sunday, August 30, 2009

A CONVERSATION AN TALES OF DEALING WITH THE NEIGHBORS

In conversation a sweet young lady told me . "edited version"
I awoke at 3 AM and couldn't go back to sleep so I just got up and started my day. CAUTION;---To all of you that like to vacuum in the morning DON'T DO IT if your husband is still sleeping. I had vacuumed the whole house by 4 o'clock AM so I thought I would quietly sneak into the bedroom and try to vacuum, as soon as I turned that thing on my husband rose straight up out of bed screaming
Fuzzy monkey's ?
My reply "edited version"
MY MY THAT'S A NEW ONE ..............
Vacuuming the floor at 4 am That's as good as FUZZY MONKEY'S !
Surprising your husband didn't jump up n cut the cord .
My wife's rules absolute silence , I am able to do whatever I like as long as it doesn't include noise of any kind .
What thoughts misguided you that it was a must to get vacuuming done so early ?
I myself usually vacuum right before the wife comes home so she will see the the marks fresh in the carpet . In my case that is where acknowledgement is best acquired . I also put several fabric softener sheets in the vacuum a hoover savvy I put them on the side the heppa filter is and it makes the exhaust air so fresh smelling so that the air plus a freshly marked up carpet gives that untreaded on type of look .
Another neat trick is always leave the vacuum right in the corner plugged in by the front door then when unwanted guest appear as they usually do in the most importuned moments you reach over after the door bell rings turning on the vacuum before opening up the door to the unwanted guest . with that look of despair on your face like hey I AM BUSY HERE ! There's not time for fiddle faddling around state your business an get it over with in a hurry before the wife comes home I have to get the vacuuming done before such an There's no need to be tracking footy prints all over my freshly vacuumed carpets . with that look of disgust turning off the vacuum an crossing your arms will deter even the most seasoned sales man or Jehovah's witness ... .........Snickers snickers Smirk * Smirks * grin :)
More tales and helpful hints upon request ............
Her reply "edited version"
Thank you so much for the tips --I will try doing that with the vacuum by the door. One thing though, I don't know about you but I have a few friends that think I have nothing better to do than sit at my dining room table and drink coffee with them and they honestly feel their giving me a vacation by staying as long as they can and they know we're having guests for supper and if I didn't know better I would think they are staying long enough to get invited. But enough for that and as far as vacuuming at 4 o'clock in the AM, what's wrong with that as long as my vacuum is sort of quiet. I like doing all sorts of things in the evening, I will do dishes and bake bread and make my dessert in the morning. It is so peacefully quiet in the PM and by now my spouse is more than used to me pounding nails and laying tile in the kitchen or whatever my little brain may deem it to be done at night.
My reply "edited version"
Pounding nails laying tile my my you sound like your quite the fixer upper taking on projects like that yourself but as I understand if you don't do it who will. your husband ? right like his list of priorities are anywhere near your desires of what's an to do lists. As to your unwanted guests there's several ways to deal w/t such . One is have a extra sack of red or white potatoes around an a few peelers a bag of carrots to . take em out n plop em down right in front of them with a few bowls even if its not on the menu that night . one could always use an advanced set up to make a good stew or prepped potatoes for boiling a good mashed potatoes side dish . its quite easy after dropping them down in front of them just say "while your here" I COULD SURE USE SOME HELP ! now whip the skins off those potatoes for me while I get the tea an some spices to mix in those peeled an diced potatoes your going to do for me I need them done by the weekend and since your here might as well get it done ready and proceed stored in these handy tupperware containers and put out of the way . and by the way peel those carrots too for next weeks stew I am going to get around to making eventually . An by the way I have a mountain of laundry with all of you here after were done with the peeling an everything I'll clear away the table an then I can pile all the laundry right in the middle an you a'll will be able to fold it all up for me lickedy split .... While I prepare the tea an biscuits for this little potato n carrot peeling laundry folding party were are all having here !. If they don't all of a sudden hit the front door running or have an important phone call to make real quick then whip it out for them to do an I betcha real quick they wont be hanging around too long the next time . Always' have a huge pile of unfolded laundry waiting on the table for then the next time they come over I myself am real good at getting the laundry through its paces from the washer to the dryer out an in the spare bedroom . But getting it folded up Ha! that's better left for the wife to handle cause it only took one time for me not folding it right to break me of the habit of trying to be a totally dedicated house husband . HER GIRLFRIEND hung around to long one day after guzzling down not one but two bottles of zinfandel rose wine . I brought out 6 piles of fresh cleaned unfolded laundry an graduated them from being couch warmers to professional laundry folding wine'os ! I was quite happy to snatch away each an every folded stack toot sweet just as fast as they could mange a pile . graciously bringing out another load after a few hymns an haws oh my gawds is that another pile it was all done an put away . Believe me I heard comments quite a few times after that every time her girlfriend came over unfortunately I have accumulated at least 3 to 4 dozen empty wine bottles due to I cant bear myself to throw away those reminders of good times an adventures of getting the girls completely trashed on way to many glassfuls along with the fact of I make a great spread of cheese n crackers to go along with the wine . My plans for the bottles is to stack them up laying flat an cement them all together in a circle making a round planter for strawberries ..... Oh but I guess I am drifting off the subject at hand . If my advice of the potatoes carrots an laundry don't get em . Whip out a gas powered weed whacker a few wrenches some rags an throw it up on the table n say girls while your waiting for me to fix tea or coffee an entertain you all tear this thing apart piece by piece an clean it up real quick I am sure it will run better after we get it all spanking clean an shiny brand new looking again. and by the way the lawn mowers next on the agenda. If that don't get em running for the door then you've at least got the weed whacker cleaned up and the lawn mower too . It might make a mess of your table but whip a rag back n forth across ed it after you bring out the tea an sweep it right into they're laps like the waitresses clean off the tables in restaurants everything hits the floor and that always the last thing to get clean up . In which were back to the vacuum cleaner turning it on an shouting GIRLS get yur butt up n move your chairs back n forth while I vacuum up your mess an by the way after I am done with the vacuuming were taking this party outside by the barbecue pit an the party there is going to be getting it the barbecue pit all cleaned up an spiffy for the next barbecue session next week or so. Oh and one other thing by the way the next time you all come over I am gathering together some paint brushes rollers an effects an we are together going to repaint the living rm.kitchen an a few bedrooms and if you all plan on hanging around long enough there's the bathrooms hallways and the garage needs straightening up too. I have got plenty of plans for you all since were are all together like this all the time I will have to remember to make a to do list . That ought to curb your neighbors endeavors of staying an hanging around too long if not at least you'll get the house repainted the garage cleaned out a spiffy cleaned up barbecue pit an lets not forget the weed whacker lawn mower an potatoes n carrots . If your still having trouble do as I did one time yell out to the wife and in your case to your husband . HONEY I AM GOING TO THE STORE ENTERTAIN MY GUESTS WHILE I AM GONE !. Lock up girls behind yourself when you leave just in case he's not home or she in my case comes out with a bad attitude . If not get out back there n split up enough kindling wood for the fireplace to last for a few weeks before I get back . Take off burning wheels out of the driveway an go to the spa for a few hours or in one instance I told the wife THAT I WAS GOING TO THE STORE BE BACK IN A FEW MINUTES ! yelling through the house as I shut the door an went on a two week vacation to California and I live in Florida . It was great very relaxing and believe me I was greeted with my goodness that was the longest few minutes in history but you were missed the house is a mess !
CHEERS TO YA . I hope these tips on dealing with the neighbors helps out or at least gives you a chuckle sweetheart .. you are very much loved and appreciated allowing me to go on like this an tell a good effective point in dealing with the neighbors . Sincerely Dirtdog

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